“I’m posting this for my son and my own peace of mind, so yeah……sorry!
This is my son Lucas.
He is 11 years old.
He is the kindest, sweetest, most genuine child I could ever have been blessed with.
He has such a big heart, he loves unconditionally and his smile lights up my life.
I’m writing this, because over the last year there has been a change in Lucas.
His smiles have been replaced with tears, his passion and gusto for life has subsided and he has become a shadow of who he once was. He has lost interest in things that once made the freckles dance across his cheeks, he excludes himself from family time and he is…..well…..simply sad.
This last week, I thought I saw a change, a glimmer of hope, I thought things were looking up. He had not put up too much of a fight to go to school, he smiled when I collected him at the end of the day, and he fooled me.
He fooled me so well that today my heart is broken.
This afternoon Lucas’s teacher called me to school, he said he had some things he needs to address. He took me inside and explained to me that himself and Lucas’s teaching staff were gravely concerned about his mental health and well being.
He explained to me that he felt Lucas needed counselling, he needed help as soon as possible.
He asked if anything had changed at home, if I had noticed this week how sad he had been?
I was devastated. My child had been deceiving me.
As soon as I saw Lucas, I urged him to tell me, tell me what is so wrong and why had he not said anything.
He had been hiding his own pain, so as not to cause me any. He explained how he hated to see me cry because of him.
Lucas has unfortunately been the victim of friendship issues over the last year. Some kids have sadly made his time in school incredibly hard. He has become withdrawn and is now suffering with depression.
My child, 11 years old, suffering from depression!
So, if you got this far along, the reason for me writing this to you all, is not for sympathy, I’m not looking for attention, all I want is for every parent, to tell their kids…
Please be kind.
Friendships come and go, but some kids don’t have ANY friends, they go through school isolated and alone.
Explain to your child, how just saying ‘hi’ could make someone’s day.
Urge them to ask that kid to join in, get them involved, tell them to imagine how they would feel if it was their own brother or sister who was being disregarded, cast aside.
Parents please take note of your child’s moods, ask them how they are, talk to your kids, teach them that there is no shame in feeling sad.
LISTEN to them.
HEAR what they have to say.
LOVE them, with your whole heart.
I’m going to get Lucas the help he needs, I’m going to try and get that smile back on his face, I want to hear his crazy cackle once again”. — with Lucas Adlington and David Adlington. From Facebook
Hoping Little Lucas gets his little smile back soon, very sad to read but loving the way his mum has written this x
A Mum to Mum member also asked for some advice.
“Looking for some advice about what to do about bullying. I have recently found out my son has been subjected to a very violent attack from 2 specific boys on a regular basis, ongoing for about a year, he was too embarrassed to tell me
Now school say they will deal with it but doubt it is going to be the outcome I would expect
What would you do as a mother? Honestly? Feel free to express any opinion“.
As usual our lovely members offered advice & Support…
“Im 28 now and was badly bullied in secondary school, i told the teachers and my mum and despite my mums best efforts the school didnt really do anything. It went on and got worse and i got hurt so i called the police at school, they came round and took a statement. They said it was all too common for them to get involved as school dont really do much, i have to say that was the best thing i could have done as it stopped. They went round and spoke to her and she was very shocked and scared and I didn’t get bullied again“.
“Hi, my son was bullied at school years back and I only found out when I noticed a boot mark on his thigh when he got out of the bath (he too never told me). I told the school who spoke to the child and they ‘dealt’ with it, by getting my son and his bully in a room to talk. I went to the doctor and asked for the injury to be recorded on his notes. I was advised to report it to the police and get a crime reference (I didn’t)”
“This is so awfull your poor son, how kids can be so cruel? If you know who the parents are i would speak to them ,but if you have no responce from them go to the police. These kids need dealt with before they do it to anyone else, hope you get this sorted soon your son must be so upset”.
“Contact the police and tell them because ur son must feeling very bad inside please get help because I lost my nephew to bulling he hanged himself”.
“It was about 15 years ago this happened to my son but I phoned an anti bullying helpline who gave me the advice I mentioned in my earlier comment. Schools prob deal with bullying differently now, I would approach them. No child should have to go through it, makes my blood boil”.
Getting support from the school
“All schools are legally required to have an anti-bullying policy. Many also offer different forms of peer support where certain children are trained in active listening or mediation skills to help bullied children. In secondary schools they may be called peer mentors, supporters, counsellors, listeners or mediators while in primary schools, they might be called friendship or playground buddies, playtime pals or peacemakers. Lyndall Horton-James, Bullying Prevention and Education Consultant offers the following tips:
Before you approach the school, list all the facts: what happened, who was involved, when it occurred, who witnessed it, anything your child did that may have provoked the incident, whether it was a one-off or series of events.
Don’t arrive at the school unexpectedly: Make an appointment with the class teacher or head of year.
Aim to work together with the school and make it clear that you are seeking the school’s help in finding a solution.
Avoid accusing the school: Remember that teachers are usually the last to find out that bullying is happening at school. The sequence is “friends first, then parents, lastly schools”.
Be patient: Allow the school time to deal with the problem but stay in touch with them and arrange a follow up meeting to see how the situation is being resolved.
What to do if things don’t improve
Keep a bullying diary. Write down every incident as soon as possible after it happens. Include the date, what happend, who did it and who saw it. Include the effect on your child, whether your child told anyone and what they said or did and any later effects.
Tell the school each time. Write down what they say or do and any effect their actions have.
If your child is hurt, take photographs and see your doctor (and the police if the assault is serious).
Schools have a variety of options for dealing with bullying. These range from a warning, seeing the bully’s parents and detention to internal exclusion within the school, fixed term exclusion and permanent exclusion.
If you’re not satisfied with the school’s response, don’t give up or be made to feel like a timewaster or a troublemaker. The Advisory Centre for Education (ACE) offers step-by-step advice on how to deal with the school, from how to write a letter to your options if you need to take things further. Their advice line is 0300 0115 142. You can also use our template letters to write to the Head, Governors, Education Dept and Ofsted. Remember, unless you are home teaching, you face prosecution if you take your child out of school. If your child is too frightened or stressed to go, contact the LEA education welfare officer/social worker and ask them to intervene with the school.
Thinking of all those dealing with this today, I was bullied and it is my worst fear for my children.
“Encourage your child to talk about bullying. Let them know that no one deserves to be bullied. Many children think that bullying is just about physical abuse. Make them aware of all of the forms of bullying threats, verbal abuse, racism, sexist name calling, being left out and/or ignored and harassment”.